This summer has been the most interesting and tiring service I have ever done. This service was pretty basic though; it included prepping breakfast, lunch and dinner, doing the dishes, taking out the trash, listening to complaints, being told what to do and how to do it, going grocery shopping, cutting slices of ginger as a home remedy for ankle or back pain, etc. Essentially, it was nothing too laborious like my week in TJ or too impactful like my year in SF. This summer I served not with a nonprofit but served my family.
It is odd for me to claim what are essentially chores as service work, since my mom does this on the daily, but this wording helps me to understand more deeply what giving back means and feels. For me to give back to my family, especially to my mom, requires an inch more of selflessness. After a day’s work of carrying and opening boxes, pulling and pushing merchandise, being polite to rude customers, I come home to enjoy my dinner with Netflix-- finally some alone and quiet time. Allowing myself to rest, I would watch multiple episodes in one sitting. But then, service rings, and I need to start inching myself back to the kitchen to prep for tomorrow's meal. This moment of resisting laziness and selfishness is mentally and spiritually difficult for me to overcome. Lately, I have been succumbing to the selfishness.
Now as this summer of service comes to an end, I am ambivalent about my next adventure. I feel guilty and selfish for leaving, yet more so grateful to escape. On the other hand, when I picture myself boarding the plane, I question why I chose to visit an unfamiliar country without knowing the main language rather than stay in LA and go to grad school. But I guess a dream that isn’t scary enough isn’t big enough. So, I have to start getting my things together and find a way to give thanks to my summer of service.
Cheers to growing this year, especially this summer.
